This week has been a weird one. I had taken us off the open bed list for fostering a couple weeks ago as you’ll recall. We got a call mid-week about a foster kiddo and they were really, really pushing us to take them. We said yes, but I guess DCS (department of child safety) chose another family. They were really pushing us because there was a high probability that the kid was going to go up for adoption. I felt really bad that we did not end up with the kid.
My hubby’s best friend’s little sister (did you follow that?) had her baby and then needed her appendix out (rough week for her) sooooo we were morally obligated to go visit her and meet her baby. We brought lasagna and a leftover box of diapers (from fostering). It was an awkward visit. Her mom was there. They are incredibly religious and fertile people. The mom had 10 kids. They asked all sorts of questions about fostering, making inappropriate comments on the bio parents (which was not great). Then we mentioned our IVF and miscarriage. That is when it happened, the “maybe if you just relax, because we know this family that…” I looked over at hubby and tried not to roll my eyes. I thanked her for saying that. It took everything in me to not say “gee, my doctor says we have less than a one percent chance on our own” or “yeah after two rounds of IVF maybe we didn’t actually need it and should just relax.”
It’ll be a long time before we go visit them again. My oh-so-charming mother-in-law called and insisted we do something for Mother’s day for her. Now we are stuck taking her out to brunch. Ugh. She doesn’t know about the IVF and miscarriage so maybe if she did she wouldn’t ask these things but I am too afraid to tell her. She isn’t the most supportive person. In fact, she is quite insulting. I didn’t want to hear her say something about it being my fault or maybe it is God’s will.
We decided last minute to apply for the IVF grant again. Nine pages of bearing your soul to complete strangers in the hopes that they will give you one more shot at IVF. Trying your best to stand out against other poor couples who are in the same situation as you. I really hate the process, yet I still put us through it.
Next week is the dreaded Mother’s Day. I wish I could just bury my head in the sand. This year has been easier by far emotionally to deal with. I wish the constant commercials, Facebook ads, promotional emails, store signage and everything else would stop already though. I hope that with each year it will be easier. Or maybe hopefully someday we will have or get our baby.
My mother’s birthday was this week. I sent her a gift and a card and a Facebook post, but that wasn’t good enough. She wanted me to call her. I hate calling her. All she does is talk about my brother. My horrible example of a human being. And his baby. And his baby mama. And their drama. I have asked numerous times to not talk about it. No boundaries are listened to or respected. I actually haven’t spoken to her in a while. Per my previous posts I have been trying to cut back on speaking to my family for exactly this reason. After this month I won’t have to speak to her until … maybe my birthday? Wouldn’t that be nice? HAHA.
Well to all you not-yet mamas stay inside, hunker down, get some chocolate and wine, cry, laugh, snuggle your significant others and furbabes. Don’t let this “holiday” beat you down. Some day, we will be at peace. Either with our baby, rainbow baby, adopted baby, or being at peace with childlessness.
For you lucky mamas who got your miracle, enjoy the day. Snuggle that little miracle and your significant other. Enjoy the breakfast in bed, the homemade card, the gifts, the fuss. You’ve earned it.
Happy Mother’s Day to everyone!