Jan 26 – Feeling Defeated

This morning I am writing a letter to my congressman in the hopes that he will vote down the newly proposed personhood bill. If this bill passes, IVF will be illegal in the US. I’m hoping it won’t pass, but who knows in this political climate. Without IVF my husband and I were told we would have a zero to one percent chance of having a natural child. Embryo adoption would also be illegal. We would have no medical options, short of flying to another country. I get so nervous with that. Sure I could pack a bag, fly to India and do IVF. It makes me nervous because I don’t know about the medical standards in another country. Who knows what could happen?

In other news, my foster care agency sent out an email late on the 18th telling us they were ending their foster care and adoption program. They told us to choose another agency and then we could transfer. Problem is, we have been trying to transfer for a couple weeks. After we hadn’t been able to get ahold of anyone at the agency for over 2 weeks, I could see the writing on the wall. The new agency can’t get ahold of our current agency to get the paperwork on file with them.

In addition to that, we have to go through the interviewing process with the new agency all over again. Plus resubmit some of the paperwork we have already done. Short of the training classes, it feels like we are starting all over again. Our initial interview isn’t until Feb 3rd with the new agency. If we have to do the entire four hours of interviews, plus the home study again who knows when we can open our bed and have kids again.

I feel so defeated. Are we not meant to be parents? I feel like we have every possible obstacle working against us. We keep trying different paths to parenthood and are getting completely shut down every way we turn.

We have decided to sell our home in the hopes that if IVF stays legal we can afford another treatment before I get too old. I know 34 isn’t “old” but in the fertility world, we are just this one year away from decreased odds at getting and staying pregnant.

I used to think people who said they could hear the biological clock ticking were crazy. They aren’t. Surely I don’t hear actual ticking. But the anxiety and pressure of age and fertility weighs on me. I am worried we will never become parents.

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4 thoughts on “Jan 26 – Feeling Defeated

  1. I’m 34 and on my way to 35. I’m feeling very old too. Now I’m feeling so mad and frustrated (more than just infertility passed frustrated and mad!). Thank you for speaking up against the Personhood Bill so that you, me, and thousands of others can continue to build their family in the manner that works for us.

    Liked by 1 person

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