Sept 23 – First Heartbreak

Fostering isn’t easy. This journey has been for us, terrible. The kiddo has been amazing. Well behaved, happy, no major health issues. She smiles all the time, laughs and coos. Being a parent is everything I had hoped.

But fostering is terrible. We aren’t listened to, aren’t told anything, left in the dark and abandoned.

Our first placement is leaving us today to go to a kinship placement. It is heart breaking because we didn’t know any family had stepped forward. We didn’t know that she had passed a background check or a home study. We didn’t know the paperwork to move our kiddo had been submitted to the judge. We didn’t know that the “just a conference” with bio parents to offer them resources would turn into the judge saying to permanently move the kiddo to the family member.

Our case manager came over for a routine meeting and dropped the bomb that they were moving the kid tomorrow (today since this happened yesterday). He refused to hold the baby and said he only transports kids. Then said he would call to set up a time to remove the kid and left.

I started crying, while the behavioral health lady was still there. She hugs me and says that DCS needs sensitivity training. She knew that the kiddo was going to leave too, but couldn’t say anything. It was the case manager’s job to break my heart.

We are going to take a break from fostering for now. My husband, who never cries, was crying this morning. And last night during her middle of the night feeding. I cried myself to sleep. People tried to make us feel better by sharing their horror stories. Some foster parents’ kids were picked up from daycare and they didn’t even get to say goodbye. Some were picked up at visits, and didn’t get to say goodbye.

We have loved this kid as our own for two months. How could they give us one day notice that we are never going to see her again? It feels like the book The Nanny Diaries. We were used, abused, given money to watch a kid and then ripped from the kid with no caring about our feelings. Not to mention how the kiddo is going to react. We are the only parents she has known for her entire life. We got her straight from the hospital at two days old.

I wrote a note to the family member telling her about the kiddo’s routine. Her likes and dislikes. Gave her our email and said we could send some photos of the last two months and asked if they would keep in touch with us. Not that I expect them to but it would be nice if we could ever see her again.

Packing up her clothes and stuffed animals and medical records was so hard. Her life reduced to a bag of stuff. It kills me. I know this is what fostering is and that we gave her a great life for two months but it is so much harder than our miscarriage was. We had a living breathing child that we watched grow for two months.

Now I’m off to cry myself into a migraine….

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