Dec 18 – Upcoming Missed Due Date

The last month has been getting easier. I haven’t been as emotional. Less random crying when a sad song comes on. I haven’t wanted to punch anyone for shoving pictures of their cute babies in my face.

But the fact that our due date, Christmas Eve, is coming up has opened the wound again. I have tried to avoid it. I have been baking cookies, sending out Christmas cards, trimming the trees, decorating the house, wrapping and shipping gifts. However, I can’t avoid it forever. My heart still breaks knowing that we should have our own bundle of joy, but the sad truth is we don’t.

We are still uncertain about the future. After discussing fostering at length, we are not moving forward with it. Knowing how attached I would get to the sweet child/children, if they went back to their parents (like they are supposed to) my heart wouldn’t be able to recover right now. I am too emotionally fragile.

Here’s to an emotional holiday hahaha! I’ll be the crazy one in the corner, crying into my hot cocoa.




4 thoughts on “Dec 18 – Upcoming Missed Due Date

  1. I’m with you on fostering – we looked at that as well at the beginning of our infertility journey and had the same feeling. The guilt of not doing it was hard but when the social worker told us that we could have the kiddo for 5 years and then (s)he be taken away when they became legally adoptable because they put you right back in line for your own kid? I couldn’t do it. We are doing both donor egg IVF (2nd attempt coming soon) and also started the international adoption process for a little girl from Ethiopia (they have kiddos as young as 3 months, and the cost is the exact same as our DEIVF, plus with the adoption tax credit when it gets finalized, will take $14K off that. I didn’t think I could do donor egg, but we called it “egg adoption” and it made it easier to realize this was no different than adoption, and if it works I’ll be able to go through the pregnancy experience, and birth MY child. All of us going through this have so much running through our heads, all I can say is follow your heart, be open to how the road will change and evolve, and take care of YOU. Doesn’t matter what anyone else says!

    Sending you light for the new year 🙂


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