The last month has been getting easier. I haven’t been as emotional. Less random crying when a sad song comes on. I haven’t wanted to punch anyone for shoving pictures of their cute babies in my face.
But the fact that our due date, Christmas Eve, is coming up has opened the wound again. I have tried to avoid it. I have been baking cookies, sending out Christmas cards, trimming the trees, decorating the house, wrapping and shipping gifts. However, I can’t avoid it forever. My heart still breaks knowing that we should have our own bundle of joy, but the sad truth is we don’t.
We are still uncertain about the future. After discussing fostering at length, we are not moving forward with it. Knowing how attached I would get to the sweet child/children, if they went back to their parents (like they are supposed to) my heart wouldn’t be able to recover right now. I am too emotionally fragile.
Here’s to an emotional holiday hahaha! I’ll be the crazy one in the corner, crying into my hot cocoa.