Nov 23 – Almost Thanksgiving

It is the time of year that I love most. People seem more chipper. People bake more with love. The lights at night seem brighter. There seems to be an overwhelming sense of joy and hope in the world.

This year I am having a hard time finding things to be thankful for.  Now don’t get me wrong, there is so much to be grateful for.  We have a roof over our heads, loving doggies in our laps, and each other. I am lucky to have a wonderful spouse. I’m not bragging, I know how lucky I am. Especially since we met at such a young age and got married right now.

But this year has been hard. We told ourselves 2015 was going to be our year. Maybe that’s the problem. We had too much hope and enthusiasm for this year.

We were doing IVF finally and of course it would work (pfft). We had our house, our doggies, decent jobs and rounding it out would be our little one(s). We of course hoped for boy girl twins. That way we wouldn’t need to do further IVF treatments.

But I guess we got our hopes up too high. Spent 12k after insurance on 2 cycles, 1 failed 1 miscarriage at 7 weeks, right before Mother’s Day.  We have had 4 deaths in the family in the last year: my hubby’s cousin to suicide, my aunt to cancer, our baby and my husband’s grandma to old age.  His father’s health is declining rapidly. We are worried we might lose him before the end of the year.  My dad got a second DUI and lost his license (again).

My brother’s fiancé got into a car accident that got her hooked back on her prescription pills. I was cut out of my brother’s life for not being ready to see his brand new baby and sticking up for him when his fiancé was being rude to him.

I was laid off from my job with infertility benefits and moved to a company that has none, and won’t even consider adding them despite well researched information about how inexpensive it could really be.

My hubby moved to a company that promised him a promotion, strung him along and then ended up firing him over a prank phone call complaint to the 800 number on the back. Luckily he is quite skilled in his trade and had a new job within 2 weeks but it was financially difficult for us to lose 2 weeks pay with no notice. Especially since we spent all our savings on treatment this year.

Last week I was feeling quite unwell and went to the urgent care and was diagnosed with an ulcer. So no chocolate, alcohol or caffeine for me. Shame because I was really looking forward to peppermint mocha, holiday eggnog with rum and chocolate cake on my birthday.

So despite all my efforts to be cheerful, I am really struggling to be thankful. Hopefully you all are doing better than I!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.





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