October – New Month, New Drama

Good morning everyone. This week has been exceptionally tough. Not because of our journey specficially but things going awry around us.

Work drama- Someone was doing something wrong their accounts, but my work doesn’t fire anyone so this personw as removed from the accounts and guess who had to fill in for the work? Yep me. This person basically did nothing on Friday and left early claiming they were ill.

Family drama- I will spare you all the gory details but someone how I am a very bad person because I said I did not like that my brother’s fiancé thought it was funny to give back the engagement ring during a fight, to which my brother immediately re-proposed. Everyone was saying how cute that was, except me. Which lead to an intense texting battle (as I was immediately unfriended and blocked on Facebook). Basically I am a terrible person who is incredibly selfish. The most painful part was trying to explain why I didn’t immediately fly out to meet my niece. I explained that I was dealing with a miscarriage to which I was told I am selfish, and having a pity party. At this point I got rally upset (prior to that I was saying anything really except that I would follow his wishes to stay out of his life). My husband got very upset and said some choice words to my brother. Then my sister started in and told us to leave my brother alone because it was upsetting him. The last text from my brother said I was a “poisonous bitch” and he was blocking my phone number.

I don’t know if I ever disclosed much on here but my brother and I have not been very close except when we were young. He never really forgave me for moving away when I turned 18 and I have a hard time putting up with his attitude that because he is handicapped he can’t do anything in his life. I always believed he could do more, but instead he chose to stay at home and become an alcoholic. He is so smart and talented, I know he could do more. So, I expected it was only a matter of time before he reverted back to his same old self after his daughter was born and taking out his life isn’t fair issues on everyone else.

Since I had practically raised him up until I moved away, I imagine he feels like I abandoned him right before he became a teenager. I knew he is capable of so much more but is so angry with the world.

The last thing that was hurtful this week was our neighbor’s five year old telling me I looked like I was going to have a baby. LOL. Kids right? Maybe I am just a little sensitive at this point.


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