Aug 22 – My Mother Said the Unthinkable (Again)

Last night my mother called. I don’t have a great relationship with her but I answer her calls because she still has a 14 year old at home that she “needs” my advice on how to raise. It’s probably because when I was a kid I pretty much raised my younger sister and brother.

Anyway she starts talking to me about my brother and his fiancée. The latest in the drama was that the fiancée’s drug kit was found sewn into the lining of her purse. Yup, she has been using drugs. I don’t want to know when she started using. My mind goes to “was she using during her pregnancy” or “has she been using the whole time she has been breastfeeding?” Here I am paying thousands of dollars to try and get pregnant and my biggest vice is soda and coffee, and she is over there shooting up drugs.

Anyway, so my mom is going off about how the fiancée won’t go to rehab and my brother signed paperwork stating he was in charge of doling out her medications, blah, blah, blah. Then she tells me to get ready to have a baby… pause. Um huh? Yeah my mom threatened to report my brother’s fiancée to the state if she doesn’t go to rehab or get kicked out by my brother. Her plan to report them to the state so the baby gets taken away, and given to us.

She says that miscarriage was so that we could take my brother’s baby in. That’s the unthinkable thing she said. And she has said it before. She needs to fucking stop saying that. My pain is not fodder for your delusional plan. I mean what if my brother found out she was saying how she plans to take his baby away? Honestly, how do people stay in touch with the most toxic person in their life without developing an addiction to numb the pain? I know it this is the one thing you aren’t supposed to say but I hate my mother. I am seriously thinking of cutting her out of my life. She is a terrible person. I swear if she mentions my miscarriage in such a disgusting way again I am going to lose it.



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