Today I was driving to work and that terribly sad song that was written in memory of Paul Walker came on. “It’s been a long day, without you my friend. And I’ll tell you all about it when I see you again. We’ve come a long way, from where we began.” The tears came to my eyes.
I was thinking about our future. I want to shut my heart off. I want to stop the longing and aching that I feel. I don’t know if we will ever be able to have our own kids. I want to keep the hope that we can afford to do another round next year and that it will work. But I don’t know if we will be able to afford it. A lot depends on how my job goes and how my hubby’s job goes. The uncertain makes me feel so uneasy.
I have been trying to heal and move on. But it is hard. There is another song that I have been thinking of “I hear voices and I see colors, but I wish I felt nothing” by the Wallflowers. I wish I could stop feeling the pain.
I think this quote by Johnny Depp pretty much sums it up: