April 17- Second Beta: Worst News Ever

Well dear readers as you can guess by the title today’s beta confirmed my worst fears. My beta number dropped instead of doubling as it is supposed to. The bleeding is a miscarriage. I had a chemical pregnancy. I am so heart broken. I don’t understand why this is happening? I know the science of it, the pregnancy was bad. But my heart doesn’t understand. I don’t know how I will pick up the pieces. This was our last shot to do IVF for a long time. We have spent about fourteen thousand. I know a drop in the hat compared to what others have spent but for us it was a lot. The most slap-in-the-face part is going back in to get my blood checked to make sure I completely dispel the pregnancy. Oh and my extra order of crinone being delivered today, since I was supposed to need it for this pregnancy.

For one week, I was a mother. This will probably be the hardest mother’s day ever.

I will be a taking a break from the blog for a while as we do not know when we can try again to have a baby. Or if we ever will again. Thanks for reading my journey. Infertility SUCKS.

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