Today was day 4 of my stims. I was not too excited about my shots today. They seem to have been a bit more painful this time and I have been bruising. I only bruised once last time. My tummy is very sore too. I had to use more than one follistim cartridge today so it ended up being 3 shots. Tomorrow I add ganirelix. I am kind of glad about that because it makes my ovaries less sore. Today my back is killing me and I am exhausted.
My spirits are a bit down today because my family has been guilt-tripping me again. My mom called to say congrats on the new job but really it was a fishing expedition to find out how much we were going to spend on my brother’s baby shower this weekend. We have already bought some cute one-sies, bibs, pacifiers and a build-a-bear with a cute dress. I decided to make a canvas with stripes and wood letters to spell out the baby’s name.
I checked both his registries yesterday and not a single item was purchased. I know my sister and I bought some things but not off their registry (they didn’t register until a couple weeks ago). I started to feel bad. The shower is on Saturday. I talked to my husband about it and he said it is my decision whether or not to spend a couple hundred bucks on the crib or the car seat or baby carrier. My mother seemed so excited when I let it slip that we were considering doing that. Telling me how much it means to my brother that I am happy for him. Why should I be happy for him?
Not to sound heartless but he is bringing a child into the world that he has no way to support, no home to provide and with a tumultuous relationship with his now fiancé. He randomly messages me to flip out on me for talking about his fiancé and him behind their backs (which is partially true. my family told me stuff about her chain smoking which greatly upset me but my mother swore she had already talked to them about it-turned out to be untrue). He does not care that we are spending thousands to try and achieve a pregnancy. He didn’t care I was getting laid off. He didn’t care that I found a new job except that then I could pay to fly out to see his daughter being born. I feel like saying “Piss off” but he is family. So how do I deal with that? Still undecided. Stupid guilt.
Thursday is my first appointment on the stims to check my progress so we shall see where we are then! Grow eggies grow!