Mar 31- Retrieval (Round 2)

Today was the day all the shots were for! I was nervous. More nervous than last time. I was still traumatized from the IV placement last time. The idea of being unconscious with my lady parts on display and my feet strapped into stirrups freaked me out. Our retrieval was at 11 am this time. So when I walked into the office in yoga pants, my pj top and no contacts I felt self-conscious. The waiting room was full of people. Last time it was before 7 so we were the only folks there.

They took me to a room, had me sign the consents and strip down. The sleep making doctor came in to talk to me. I explained what happened with the IV last time and he said that he would place this one somewhere different. He was so nice! The first time, the other sleep making doctor was kind of mean. Then the doctor came in to talk about the retrieval. He made some jokes to make me feel less nervous. We talked about going to breakfast after the procedure since I hadn’t eaten since dinner the night before.

They took me to the retrieval room and my hubby went to (as he describes it) the shady looking room to do his business. I am nervous as they have me sit down one the table with my whole backside exposed to the room. The nurse is putting electrodes on me while the sleep doctor is finding a vein. He places it with one try. It hurt a tiny bit. They had me slide down and put my feet in the stirrups. They put the oxygen mask on and I giggled nervously. One more shot in the IV and I was out.

I woke up in the same room. Since we were the last retrieval we didn’t to be moved. We went over care protocol and medications. They told me I had to be on the prolactin reducing medication which was not told to me yesterday when they called. They told us the great news. We got 17 eggs! We didn’t even have 17 follicles at the last appointment. I guess we will have 12-13 mature most likely. I feel so happy. Since I have low AMH that is a crazy high number. Tomorrow I will find out how many fertilized. Wish us luck!!!

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Mar 28- Last Ultrasound before Retrieval (Round 2)

Yesterday was our last doctor appointment before the retrieval. My hubby didn’t have to work since he took this whole week off to be with me. We went up together. First was the dreaded blood draw. They seem to be able to find veins on the top of my right arm close to the elbow. Not my favorite place to have blood drawn.

I have been waddling a little bit (not as much as last time). My ovaries don’t feel like sloshy water balloons but instead are kind of tender. I am very bloated this time too. I am already a bit overweight but I have new stretch marks on my tummy this time. I pretty much don’t wear pants when I am home. I wore yoga pants when we went out yesterday. The first time I ever let people see me wearing yoga pants. I try to at least just have jeans on or something.

The ultrasound was next. It was the nurse practitioner again. She said my lining looked good. It was about 11.75 thick. My right ovary had 10 follicles! 10! 7 were big enough to be counted as possible eggs. My left ovary had 6. 3 were big enough to be counted. So she said there is a good chance we will get 10 eggs this time. 2 more than the last round. Amazing. I don’t know if adding DHEA 3X a day helped or if righty showing up to help out made the difference. I still have one renegade follicle which is now 21 mm. Wowza!

Today they wanted me to do the last of my meds. I had to start the steroid too (ew!). Trigger tonight at midnight. Midnight? Yeah, don’t know how I am going to stay awake for that one. LOL. Will probably have to set an alarm! Tuesday will be my retrieval. Wish me luck!

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Mar 27- Nominated to Share 7 facts about Myself

Good morning dear readers!

I was nominated by Dreaming of Diapers to share 7 interesting facts about myself:

1- I decorate cakes, even did it professionally for a while. I took some Wilton classes at Michael’s, bought myself a bunch of tools and got a job at a bakery. I eventually quit because doing it as a job took all the fun out. I still do custom cakes for friends and family.

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2- I bought myself a Fender electric guitar, downloaded tabs and taught myself a couple of songs. When times got tight I sold the guitar. But for a while I really rocked some Black Sabbath, Deep Purple and Green Day.

3- I have 2 furbabies that I adore. One was rescued and one we bought from a breeder online. They are beagles and we just love their howl!

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4- I am pretty nerdy. I built my husband a gaming computer and I play on the PS4. We play online together.

5- I love NFL football and MLB baseball. I grew up in New England so my teams are the Patriots and Red Sox!

6- I am a Rom Com (romantic comedy) junkie! I love them. Favorites: When Harry Met Sally, Fever Pitch, Music and Lyrics, You’ve Got Mail and so many more.

7- I am a big Disney nut. My favorite though is Beauty and the Beast.

Hope you had fun with that! My nominations are Maybe, Sometime, Baby and Unproductive at Reproducing! Thanks all!!

Mar 26-First Ultrasound on Stims (Round 2)

This morning was a bit hectic. My hubby was able to sleep in, which meant we got up 30 minutes before I was supposed to leave for my appointment. With how tired I had been lately (thanks medication) I was not going to make the effort to get up a wee bit earlier to make it easier on myself lol.

I rushed through the dogs’ breakfast and packing my darling’s lunch. Got my shots all prepped and jammed those bad boys in before rushing out the door. I hate when my appointment is so early that it makes me have to do my shots early.

Any who, I made it to my appointment in the nick of time and they were behind today (lol figures). They did my ultrasound first. My right ovary (Righty) was actually participating this round! She has five follicles that are a good size (with one of those being a lot larger than the others) and 3 under sized. My left ovary had 5 good size follicles as well. So a total of 10 good ones so far. Not too shabby. My lining was also good at 9mm. I got dressed and headed over to the dreaded blood drawing chair.

They were able to find a vein on the first shot this time. Which was nice. I do not like getting stuck with needles if they aren’t sure there is a vein there! My next appointment is Saturday!

They think the trigger will end up being the same (Sunday trigger for Tuesday retrieval) but I will find out for sure on Saturday.

It occurred to me that I was on day 7 of injections. I only have 3 days left! It kind of flew by this time. I sorted of hated the shots this round. I am bruising a lot more and my ovaries are tender instead of feeling sloshy (the water balloon feeling I had last time). I guess that’s what happens when they are both filling up with eggies!

It’s starting to get exciting!!excited

Mar 23- Day 4 of Stims Round 2

Today was day 4 of my stims. I was not too excited about my shots today. They seem to have been a bit more painful this time and I have been bruising. I only bruised once last time. My tummy is very sore too. I had to use more than one follistim cartridge today so it ended up being 3 shots. Tomorrow I add ganirelix. I am kind of glad about that because it makes my ovaries less sore. Today my back is killing me and I am exhausted.

My spirits are a bit down today because my family has been guilt-tripping me again. My mom called to say congrats on the new job but really it was a fishing expedition to find out how much we were going to spend on my brother’s baby shower this weekend. We have already bought some cute one-sies, bibs, pacifiers and a build-a-bear with a cute dress. I decided to make a canvas with stripes and wood letters to spell out the baby’s name.

I checked both his registries yesterday and not a single item was purchased. I know my sister and I bought some things but not off their registry (they didn’t register until a couple weeks ago). I started to feel bad. The shower is on Saturday. I talked to my husband about it and he said it is my decision whether or not to spend a couple hundred bucks on the crib or the car seat or baby carrier. My mother seemed so excited when I let it slip that we were considering doing that. Telling me how much it means to my brother that I am happy for him. Why should I be happy for him?

Not to sound heartless but he is bringing a child into the world that he has no way to support, no home to provide and with a tumultuous relationship with his now fiancé. He randomly messages me to flip out on me for talking about his fiancé and him behind their backs (which is partially true. my family told me stuff about her chain smoking which greatly upset me but my mother swore she had already talked to them about it-turned out to be untrue). He does not care that we are spending thousands to try and achieve a pregnancy. He didn’t care I was getting laid off. He didn’t care that I found a new job except that then I could pay to fly out to see his daughter being born. I feel like saying “Piss off” but he is family. So how do I deal with that? Still undecided. Stupid guilt.

Thursday is my first appointment on the stims to check my progress so we shall see where we are then! Grow eggies grow!

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Mar 18- Baseline Appointment for Round 2

Today is the day. Starting again. I knew this day was coming but it seems to have snuck up on me. I got ready for my doctor’s appointment and drove up.

I didn’t drink a ton of water because last time my bladder got in the way of the wand ultrasound. I was 15 minutes early and all by myself in the lobby. Finally they came to get me for the blood work. They tied up my arm with the rubber strap and I knew it was going to be a rough one. They couldn’t find a vein. Blaming me not drinking enough water. I was drinking so much water and Gatorade before it was ridiculous. I even went without caffeine so my veins wouldn’t constrict. The other nurse popped by and said they were ready for the ultrasound so they gave up on finding a vein until after.

The wand ultrasound went well. My lining was good and I had about 5 or 6 follicles in my left ovary. Righty was slacking again. So about the same as the last round. I got dressed and went back to get blood drawn. 3 stick attempts and 2 nurses later, they finally got some blood.

I called to order my prescriptions so that Friday I can start my shots. They quoted $1100. Cool. However I learned later that it was NOT cool. The pharmacy called back at 2 and said it would be almost 5 grand! Um what? Apparently we maxed out our ivf meds last cycle. How would I have known that since you never gave me a bill/list of what was billed??? I asked her to cancel it and freaked out. We don’t have five thousand dollars laying around. I called my clinic. They told me to call back and see what we could get under the insurance. So they will cover all but 2 follistim cartridges and 10 vials of menopur (the 2 most expensive medications). So I have enough to get started on Friday. I am still panicking. My budget is now completely blown. Some of our bills will have to be paid late. This is so frustrating. I call my clinic back and tell them the situation.

The IVF coordinator says we can try a couple places, find the best deal, etc. Then she says she will be out of town and someone else will be helping tomorrow. Um seriously? You were just out of town during our last cycle. What the hell? I don’t think this process could be any more stressful. So much for catching back up on savings.

On a personal note, I finally found a new job. They want me to start April 6th which is exactly when I wanted to start (right after bed rest for the transfer). The timing worked out perfectly. Now if everything else would! =)

Here’s to round 2! Hopefully it will be a knock-out and pregnancy will win!

Round 2

March 11- Endometrial Biopsy (endo scratch)

Today was my endometrial biopsy. I did not want to go. I wanted to stay home and sleep. I know it will increase the odds of implantation by 20 percent but I was nervous. No one I knew has gone through this before. My husband couldn’t make the appointment so I was flying solo. I grabbed my heating pad, took some advil, grabbed water to take my morning vitamins and birth control and left.

When I arrived they had me do a urine sample. I know it is because they need to make sure we are not pregnant when they go in and cause damage to the lining. Seems cruel to me. Clearly I wouldn’t be doing this if I was! After doing my sample I returned to the waiting room. My mind started to wander, gee what if I magically was pregnant and did not have to go through this? LOL. I promptly dismissed the ridiculous thought.

They took me back to the exam room and I stripped down. The nurse practitioner comes in with a guest. Turns out she lectures at Arizona State and the medical student was there to observe. I gave permission for her to stay. What’s one more person looking up my who-ha lol.

First step was the wand ultrasound. They measured my lining. 6-7 mm. Next the metal duck bill. She (thankfully) decided to use a little numbing cream on my cervix. I’m very sensitive and even normally bleed after a pap smear.

After that kicks in, she inserts dye into my uterus. Then the painful part. She inserts a catheter and starts scratching up the lining. It hurt like hell. Like the worst cramps ever. I kept muttering ow ow ow and deep breathing. She keeps talking to me, reminding me to breathe and making jokes about not kicking her. Then she wants to do a second pass!

I told her she wasn’t my favorite person today. She laughed and said that other patients she had done this to were pregnant and then she was their favorite person. I said well then you will be! The nurse laughed. They finished up and I got to lay there for a few minutes.

So glad I brought my heating pad to work. It feels like terrible period cramps. Only one more week until the baseline ultrasound and blood work for round two. This time we will get our miracle!!!

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March 7-Gearing up for Round 2

Technically round two is still two weeks away but we are still trying to prepare for it financially and mentally. Spent a couple of hours working on my budget. Moving things around to make sure we can afford the medications in cash in just two weeks. We should be able to manage it. Luckily one of my dear online support folks is offering to do an online party and donating her commission. That is so kind! I almost feel guilty accepting the help. I mean after all we are all trying to afford this, including her. I feel like I am taking money out of her pocket!

Mentally I feel I am in a better place for this round than I was right after the beta was negative last round. I knew we had to get back on the horse right after the failure but it was hard to process that and try and be upbeat and excited for the next attempt. I was feeling angry and bitter and sad. How could it not work? Why did we get the bad side of the odds? Ah but trying to figure out why is like trying to figure out why puppies are so cute. No reasoning, it just is.

I’m very nervous about the endometrial biopsy on Wednesday. My dear hubby won’t be able to be there. I know it is just going to be like a pap with more cramping but I still get nervous. I am not looking forward to going into work afterwards either. I think I will bring my electric heating pad just in case.

On the bright side, it seems all my job hunting might be paying off. I might be able to have two offers to choose from, if it all works out. I have another interview on Tuesday morning. It would be nice knowing that we are going to have income after the severance pay stops. It scares me how hard it is to find a job these days.

This past week was stressful for my family as well. My brother is trying to get ready for his baby mentally, financially and physically. He had surgery to repair his foot this week. I didn’t even know his surgery was this week because he never told me. He didn’t tell anyone except for my dad, mom, sister and his fiancé. The day before his surgery he got on Facebook messenger and started to cuss me out for “sitting in a judging circle” with my family about his fiancé smoking. Now I said that they told me and was I supposed to do about them talking to me? I told him I said that it was none of our business. He said good and that he was done with the rest of the family blah blah blah. I was very upset the rest of the day. He never even apologized for accusing me of talking about her. I called my dad’s line the next day to check up on him and my sister answered and said everyone was at the hospital for his surgery. Gee thanks for telling me. I swear I think I might keep my phone off for the whole process this time.

I’m on week 4 of my birth control. They have me on it for 5 weeks again. It is dreadful. Week 1 stinks. 2 and 3 aren’t too bad. week 4 and 5 are hell. I’m nauseous and have a huge migraine. Can’t believe I am going to say this, but I am looking forward to the shots! At least I won’t feel nauseous.

Good luck to everyone out there no matter where you are in your journey!

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