Oct 29-Nov 2 My Father Visits

My father flew in this week to see the house that he helped us buy for the first time (well in person. He saw a MILLION photos online lol). It was a good trip overall. He loved the house and enjoyed spending some time not having to cook or clean. My family has been pretty quiet about the whole pregnancy for the brother situation, but I think the surprise of it all is finally wearing off and the joy setting in.

My dad was in the guest room on his phone making plans with my aunt (his sister) for the next day. Now my dad is a bit of a talker and he started to talk about my brother. He was going on about how he wished my brother hadn’t moved away (he is handicapped and it was the first time he had been away). He said “but if he stayed I wouldn’t be a grandpa.” It felt like a bucket of ice was dumped over me. I felt numb and it stung. My husband heard it too and looked over at me. He asked me why it bothered me so much. I didn’t know how to explain it. It was the same old, I thought it would be us.

I worry that because we have to do IVF, and let’s be honest that is EXPENSIVE. I feel like our kid won’t be spoiled with gifts as much, because they won’t be the first grandkid.

Later in the week, my aunt came to our house for dinner. We were sitting on the couch and socializing. My aunt asked me how I felt about my brother. I told her I was happy for him. My dad is scoffed. I whipped out my phone to show my aunt the photo of the last ultrasound from my brother. Kind of just a blob since they were only 8 weeks along. I said that as long as he was happy I was happy for him. She said I was a good sister. I didn’t think I was really but it was nice of her to say.

While driving to lunch my dad said how he was looking forward to spoil my grandchild. Pause. Ice bucket again, but then he added “you guys will have one not too long after that.” That at least  took the edge off.

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